Conference this week was just such a breath of fresh air. I felt like soooo many of the talks given were exactly what I needed to hear. I especially loved Elder Ballard's, Elder Scott's and Edler Holland's Talks.
I have been getting your dear elders; somtimes they just come out of order or I get 3-4 all at once. I've heard if the Dear Elder is short then they hold onto it until the next one comes so that it is long enough to not waste a bunch of paper. I am trying to upload some pictures to send you, but so far no luck. There are only a couple computers at the MTC that apparently work well for sending pictures... which works great with 3000 missionaries. So we shall see.
Not really sure what to tell you. The MTC is very hard. very very hard. We heard a talk that Elder Holland gave here at the MTC on sunday night, though, that helped me a lot. I've heard the only place you get to hear/see these talks is in the MTC because they aren't available on the internet, but if you can find it somewhere I highly recommend it. He talked about the man who said to the savior "Savior, I believe, Help thou my unbelief." The message of His talk was this. "You have more faith than you think you have. Begin by saying 'Lord, I have the faith, or Lord I have the belief, and then ask him to help you in your weakness. But always begin by proclaiming the strength that you already have." To me this message was particularly touching because I have been struggling to trust in the authority and power of being set apart as a missionary. I am beginning to just barely skim the surface of understanding of this great call and the powerful charge that comes with it. He talked to us about being firm in the faith, pressing forward, and enduring to the end. He was blunt, and straight forward. Missions are NOT easy. Missions will make you cry, they will make you angry, they will make you frustrated, they will make you struggle. But! they will change your life in a way you never though possible, and while you are on your mission you will be closer than you ever have been before or ever will be again to the burdens and blessings of an apostolic call. He went on to say that missionaries are not apostles, but their calling, charge, and power comes closer to an apostolic call than does any other calling in the church.
wow.
I have never thought about missionary work in that way. We truly are called of GOD and no one else. We are His and it is Him who sends us. Wherefore can we doubt?
Salvation is not cheap; it was never meant to be. That is why God sent his only begotten, his most beloved son, to pay the price for our sins and redeem us from the fall. He truly gave us His pearl of great price.
Why should it be easy for us if it was not easy for him?
There never were any easy missions, nor will there ever be.
But there are always rewarding missions, and there always will be.
I find myself often signing the song from hercules "I have often dreams, of a far off place, where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face and a voice keeps saying THIS IS WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE!"
The language is sooo impossibly hard, and I feel like I have such a heavy burden and mantle placed on my shoulders. Every night, though, I turn to the Lord in prayer and plead with him to take the burden from my shoulders. and he does. Every night. I wake up and I am happy, then at night I turn everything over to him once again. It can be very difficult to trust in the Lord, at times. To allow him to help us. Most people don't like admitting that something is wrong with them or that they need help. But the Savior loves broken things. It is only when we allow him to step into our lives and help us that we truly grow closer to him.
I love the line in Jesus the Christ where Talmage talks about us not even being worth to unlosse His shoe latchet. I have been thinking about that a lot today. I truly can never deserve His great sacrifice. It I don't know how He did it. I don't know how He loves us so much. But I know He does, and not knowing the how doesn't matter to me.
I know he lives and loves us. I have had my testimony strengthened so much this weekend. It was an odd experience to spend conference in a plastic chair in dress clothes with hundreds of missionaries, but it was great.
We went to the temple and I had some great thoughts I want to share with you about wisdom & good people. (I need to go change my laundry though and try to see if there is another computer lab that will let me upload pictures. This one doesn't seem to be working) I may just end up sending them in a letter becuase email time is short. I need to tell you about our investigator and teachers etc. stuff too. There is just so much to tell and not enough time. I suppose it will always be that way.
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